From fairy tale to film, envy is recognised as being a mean and destructive emotion and, while it is healthy and normal behaviour to admire something that a friend or family member has – be it a loving and happy relationship, a cosy and inviting home or a glamorous and exciting job, there is a line where it disintegrates into something damaging which should not be crossed.

It is quite right and positive to feel the desire to change aspects of your life and aspire to better things, but those feelings should be about a healthy personal ambition rather than an all-consuming passion to acquire what another seems to have. The negative effects of wanting more than we can afford has far-reaching effects on the emotional wellbeing of an individual, as well as a more practical and demonstrable effect on their family with debt spiralling and many families now owing more than £15,000 on credit cards.

There are deep-rooted emotional issues associated with coveting another’s possessions and redressing the balance from jealousy to admiration and ambition might require some soul-searching. Feeling happy with your lot in life, and grateful for what you have is not an easy achievement, despite the plethora of self-help books dispensing advice on how to feel good about yourself and the life you have. It takes great persistence to remember what is important in life, and to take the good from situations that may be trying and stressful but the effort is necessary to maintain a sense of equilibrium.

Instead of looking inward, looking out at the lives of others will, more often than not, bring about feelings of resentment that are generally unwarranted – the grass is greener mentality. Hypnotherapy can help with addressing the underlying feelings of dissatisfaction that are in reality rarely linked to the possessions you do not have and think you need.  It may be that you crave a relationship or a family, but it is better to seek a more positive way to heal the pain felt, rather than allowing yourself to become overwhelmed by feelings of jealousy  that will erode the self-confidence.

Keeping up with the lifestyle of a richer friend is a trap that many fall into.  It is important to be comfortable enough with your level to simply say no to the continual after-work drinks in expensive bars or eating out more often than can be afforded.  If you can’t afford to go away for the weekend, or shop in the places for clothes and accessories, then do not – if these friends are real they will not press you, nor judge you for your decisions.  Getting into heavy debt for the sake of appearances is wrong, and feeling envy of your friends for what they have is a poor substitute for a nurturing friendship that allows you to be yourself.

The rise in ‘pay-day’ loan companies, with customers tending to be young, unmarried males, is telling.  The use for these loans, while it is sometimes a sensible alternative to an unplanned overdraft, is often an unexpected bill or expense.  But the borrower has evidently got now savings and is living month to month – a way of living is very far from the way our parents were brought up, with the ‘make do and mend’ attitude, where keeping up with the Jones’ and their new washing machine or freshly painted front door was about as deep as a jealousy got.  The consumer culture that has overtaken us in the last few decades is unhealthy and we would do well to think back to more simple times.